my husband left me because he was unhappy

I took a job overseas to help the financial situation of my home. . He was messing with a female on his ship one pay grade lower and still got away with it. Whats your love story and is it compatible with your partners? Well I was very scared and in a state of nervousness myself. Hardly functioning, feeling helpless. My husband, who I have been with for 15 years and have two young children with left me in November 2014. Wow great article. Now I am during inside without her and it doesnt seem to be bothering her at all, I dont know why she really did this but y am I hurting and told her Im willing to do anything to make it better. Ive always tried to change to be more what she wanted, but nope. My husband of over 14 years left two weeks ago. Research on keeping couples together is awesome, but if youve ever been through a divorce you will know that statistics and research dont heal a broken heart. He explained he needed to find himself and deal with all the shitty things and pain he had caused to others. I would cry all night just waiting for a hug. What he really needs now is your understanding and support. 10 year rule as a military spouse. Shocked that Your Spouse Left? Here's How to Recover I just dont get it.. Why the games? It would be easy. A common example would be a major medical illness. Shell be fine, but I will be a mess. So, if you want to give your marriage another chance,watch his simple and genuine video here. I wish you all the best He blames everything on me told his brother that I made his daughter hate him. And to make things worse I think Im getting addicted to them. Cant stop crying and hate being alone for even 1 hour. I dont know what to do, pls I desperately need help. Noah loves his Dad and we have always maintained a civil relationship for his sake. It is the little daily things that make life worth living and I know how to put you in the right perspective. It sounds like the only way this will work is if you tell her what you want and deserve and if she cannot do that then get busy. You can also visit her website Mint Movement here. He said he dnt wanna b wid her or even me right now. He finally moved out after telling the kids he had to find true happiness. 7 Signs That You'd Be Better Off Ending a Relationship And if you cant forgive him, it might be time for you to walk away from this relationship completely because this isnt a good place for anyone to be in. Im 33. Please help? Know your legal rights ! Dont screw yourself. Sleeping in the spare room shows separation and guilt. And she doesnt. He has gone to his friends to see if we can make it work. My husband left me after 15 years, and it was purely an ego thing on his part. Instead of moving on and doing whats best for themselves, they take out all their anger and sadness on anyone who will listen to them. I dont think I will ever be able to understand it and it scares the HELL out of me when once in a while I think I get inside of his mind what he thought process was to abuse me. You can move on and start enjoying life again with your kids know that you will. By the time I left, I hardly knew who I was anymore. How to cope: Try not to take too much of a righteous or moral stance. I feel no small amount guilt for feeling relief at her leaving. Sometimes when a person leaves, they are unhappy not because they dont love you, but because they are hiding something. We would sit up and chat for a couple hours and then I would head home, do it all over again the next day. You have known him for a week and you invite him into my bed with our children and you get suspiciously soo tired your eyes are rolling to the back of your head??? "It is the same thing, over and over with you.". We got back together for a couple of year but she broke things off with me 10 weeks ago saying she dosnt love me anymore..! Part of me wants him to come Home and tell me you made a big mistake. He is ultimately holding you hostage to his lack of emotional control. Good luck if you think this fits him. Not sure how to recover from this. And they turned their back on me and their grand kids. April 22, 2022, 1:05 am. It seems odd to me he does this before family outings almost as if he is looking for things and this has me wondering. For me, it was a kind of deadness. 32 years we have did everything together and it dont feel right being alone. I just want to say to everybody whos experienced this, I feel for you, I love you with all my heart and know youre not alone, and that there are people who really care. I am well aware shes had a difficult life, as have I, and from the moment we started dating I let her know I was always there for her. I used to make more money than him and since I got laid off he changed towards me. I did everything for him and the kids. He drove all the way home at midnight. Rachel Im sure everyone on this site will concur that most partners who leave think about it for years before doing it. Be selfish. . Im sorry you misunderstood She was doctor shopping for pills. Please help me with the divorce decision please. Your partner met someone else. If they're doing so out of a passion for what they do, for instance, their work can increase their life satisfactioneven improving their satisfaction at home. I know that there are a lot of women that would be very hopeful in finding a guy like me.I cannot go through life alone.I have to have a partner to share life and love with.I dont know where to start to meet that special person.My heart is totally shattered,and Im still in shock.I prey that i will wake up some day and not care anymore.Sorry that i am so blind to whats going on.I guess i still believe that we can get back together.I know I am totally stupid to think that,But for now I cant help the way that I feel. My Dad is strong, and my Mother is even stronger. You need to find someone who loves you, rather than someone that wants what they can get from you. Dont tell her youre hiring a lawyer, and hire one anyway if you need to. Now I can begin to say, after roughly four months, that things are feeling better within me, but many things must be done with in our own for our own to fully heal. Anyone in your situation would be willing to do anything to save their relationship, but broken trust and betrayal like this is very hard to get over. It wasnt until I became a single parent that I really began to understand how much of a taboo subject it still is. She tells me she could make it work with him, just to be back in her girls lives and back in her siblings lives in some way. There is a large age gap, which wasnt a problem at first, but now he works all the time and only cares about money. Lately he has been sleeping in the spare room, leaves in the morning to visit his parents, comes back and then blames me saying that he dosent want to be around someone miserable. She had no ex or children and is at the age where perhaps she thought she was going to be left on the shelf. I live by this rule. He worked days. Stay Focused, Pray, Keep Faith and Believe . And just this week has gone away with just him on a business trip over seas. I dont want to hear oh hes a jerk for leaving or he probably found someone else. Im sad, I want him back more than anything else in my life, so right now I cant think past hoping my phone rings, that he emails me, comes back to me..cause truth is, he probably isnt and I dont want to deal and dont know how to deal with that. Cherish what you had, and work on closing that chapter as you prepare for the next. I feel so used and he plays the blame game where I complain about him not helping he just wants everything his way and no compromise . Then in 2014 it got really bad . Then I found out she was getting more meds from a dentist at times . :), I am retired navy vet and I read. Good riddance this is over. Still cant believe after a year and a half of unimaginable pain and recovery, I went back to help. He literally left me and took my son for almost joint custody. I have worked my butt off to be well. I must think it is permanant. A 2009 study found women living with life threatening illnesses were more likely than others to experience spousal abandonment. I hate myself and have become a hermit. (2009). New Years 2015 she told me it was well and truly over after As she was not happy. I would suggest conseling to him. I haven't eaten or slept roperly in 2 weeks. I hope u can sort your situation so you are not left rearing the kids by yourself. since my 18 year old daughter has said she knew about these affairs as her friends had seen her mum out with other men she had asked her about this and been shouted down and told she was wrong the hurt she has caused is unforgiveable , as for the hurt to me I could not give a s*** but our kids I will never forgive moral off this is if you want out tell them take a chance the other one will want you dont lie dont cheat be honest and people will respect you , lie. Professional help is available and should be sought. it said she was on her way to England and she was never coming back to United States and that she wanted a divorce.just totally out of the blue, everything was normal all the way up to the day she left.she kept everything a secret and well hidden.I was totally devastated by this. I was unable to get over a relationship Id had, for THIRTY years! I do, and I dont. And meeting another woman again is very difficult now for many of us single men too, now that Feminism is everywhere these days, Ok have to jump in here and say that half this list was well debated by surviving marriage members, who salvaged most the married groups helpful comments to suffering people going through the same similar situations advocated for on this list, leaving me to ponder this probably being horrible advice from the same site since many or Ill have ruined most my own relationships let me at least try to clear things up for honest hurting folks, people leave for 1 simple reason so both sides pay attention so your aware of whats up what you are really doing and choosing simple really they want to get that? Terrible Signs Your Husband Is Unhappy In Marriage I know how difficult it is and I know how sad it is because I am here too but I am six months out, and the realization that I c could be better off starting to hit me. He is talking of selling the family home. It felt like we never stopped loving each other, she just needed some space and I never wanted to let her go. He has always been a terrific father. When he did come home, often after 9 months abroad, he would turn his back on me in bed . Since than we had a very bad fight only one day after my 40th birthday and l havent heard from him scence. , Back away and give him space. I feel dead inside. Curious I went out and heard him drop something out of my sight. I have to do some procedures for possible breast cancer and I need to get my insurance going. I gave a lot of myself over to my marriage and taking on a lot of stuff trying to be a help mate. We have a son who is just under 2 and was born 10 weeks early. Of your. Anger. It aint that easy. Im so hurt right now I didnt know what I do wrong to deserve this..anyways as youve said people should move on it us very easy to say but when you are in situation is very hard. Tell me something. She said that our marriage lacked intimacy and passion and are now more like brother and sister, she has no feelings of desire left for me at all she says and Ive spent 9 weeks trying to change her mind, but failed. I am ashamed to have to say it but I can only accept what is and continue to try to be the best father I can for them each and every weekend when I get them. We have two girls 5 and 8. He would never compromise nit even come home 1 time a week to have supper as a family hes a workaholic Now hes not happy because Ivehad anger issues so I went to get help since I too realizes I have to work on myself and I changed.my kids see it.however apparently I didnt change enough. Whats the message? She was my everything, my whole reason for being. 'I felt as if the person I knew died': The rise of the no-warning divorce My boyfriend of 24 yrs left me and our kids two months ago, we have two daughters that live with us one is 22yrs old and the other one is 23 yrs old and she is terminal ill who needs 24 hr care. And if you talk to them about it, they might be able to help you get through it faster. So sorry jason.My wife just left me after 28 yrs.I know the pain.Its time to find someone else.who will appreciate After months and months of lies raising our daughter alone and pregnant I have birth to our son while in labor I drove myself to the hospital after my water broke he was in and out of the room on his phone texting talking etc well that very night I had my beautiful baby he was holding him while his guy friend came to visit well his phone went off and thats when I found out with my own eyes he had been lying and was with another girl. Do not let what God has put together be destroyed by a man/woman or their actions. Its so bizarre to go from being very loving and leaving cards and messages and notes about how honored he is to be my partner , to ..we never had it right and Im unhappy and Ive been unhappy for 10 years or our whole life. My husband and I have been separated from each other due to deployment. My wife of 20 years asked me to move out 33 days ago we have 3 kids together two boys 6 and 19 and a 13 year old girl. She refused to let me see them at all and now had moved that guy and his kid into our home. 7 Things You Should Never Expect From a Narcissistic Husband Dear Kelly, If you think consulting with a mental health professional might help you, please use our directory to find a good fit. My husband is in the military and has spent alot of time away from us because of deployments and travel. The older teen will be an adult in just over a year and I am hoping her role as caregiver does not distract her from studies or delay college. Thanks for your input. Im so confused, I dont know where to turn. He is a good man and he does try his best but I can just not find to love him like a lover bit rather as a friend. Your worth a lot more than a cheater. He worked through the anger already. Im a hopeless romantic at heart. 8. And that this medication for *seizures* was effective *because* of the way my neurological system and brain was processing the lengthy aftermath of that injury. I know the feeling I feel so alone. Here are 14 tips for women who still love their husbands, even though they left them: Life without your husband is a blessing. In a way i feel the same way. He wont talk to me about his feelings all he said was that he love me but he is not in love with me anymore. I still find myself wanting her back, I miss her. As of now, it has left me heartbroken. Or when it is convenient. We told her, No, we havent noticed. She simply said, Well, he does, and walked straight out of the room. This is what divorce looks like after 50 years of marriage - New York Post I know times have changed and lives have gotten in the way. i dont know specific reason, but i convinced her she was not interested in me anymore but i dont want let her go. During the row he started screaming and shouting at me so i told him to go and he never came back and is saying i dumped him for no reason! I felt we became room mates and no longer husband and wife. So instead of just reading, you can actually take action. Ive suspected there is another involved but have no concrete evidence other than intuition & one or two very suspicious epidodes, combined with secrecy from her, as opposed to privacy. I am devastated we have 3 children and one doing his GCSEs I am a mess my daughter keeps questioning me and Im trying to hold it together but Im in so much pain and I cant imagine my life without him They all go to the same school and population is 800 so no escape. We signed the papers last week. No one warned me that the "change of life" meant that I would be at war with my own body . I could not allow a man to make me feel less another second! I am devastated. Can you imagine getting kicked out of your home and your husband moves someone else in and they go through your things, even my Breast Cancer medical records trying to say I could work because I survived, Im 60 and have worked since 1969!! Its just so odd. Im sorry for what you are going through Im in the exact same boat Married 17 years too he left this is my husbands 2nd affair Its sickening how a spouse can do this.. thanks cassieD.I still call her every day just to hear her voice.I am waiting on a settlement from injuries that i received at work,Which i cannot return to because of the extent of them.She agreed to not seek lawyers or Divorce until my settlement comes through.I am still on her Ins.I also need my knees totally replaced.She agreed to wait until the settlement.I dont know i am so naive and blind.I dont want to think that she is going to take my settlement also.Maby thats why she is waiting to get the big D word until after she knows what the money will be. And at the time he would be like. Living in forgiveness will free you from some of the hurt in your divorce and allow you to move forward more healthily. Getting in touch with a professional relationship coach is one of the best things you can do in order to start taking care of yourself and living a fulfilling and happy life. Our two oldest sons, fifteen and nineteen are going to live with him. Ive lost my best friend, majority of custody of my daughter, my family home, my values and my wife. The pain is unbelievable and I am only struggling from day to day. She has always suffered from mental health issues and I have been there for her come hell or high water. How will I survive this?! Yet she is cold. But guilt still plagues me. It totally sucks .glad to hear youre hanging in there, we have no choice. I ate a chocolate mousse cake not that long ago! 7 months later the oldest child wouldnt give up on me and finally broke through to her mom that she needed me. yourself or the other person. Then the answer is simple she wasnt the one for me and it got me thinking how bad of a person she was to me . But, it seems like that is when he is most truthful and that he is just waiting for our 13 year to grow up so that he can feel better about divorcing me. Now he stops communicating with anyone that tries to talk him in to reconciliation. Weve had a strained relationship for a while due to our busy work schedule but I never thought he would do this it doesnt make sense its all so final he wont go to relate because itll be the same answer he says!! So, dont sabotage your happiness just because your husband left you, and contact these incredible coaches to receive personalized advice about your love life. Constantly points out my flaws and still shows no remorse at all for the horrific things she has done to our family. Tell her how much you want it to work & that you can change those things. My grandmother raised 3 girls on her own as a widower at just 42. It takes a brave man to walk out on his wife and kids. I suspected something was going on with her why she broke and i taught she was seeing someone and maybe this guy from before.. I have a huge financial mess where I make more money than most people but I pay out so much. Take care. But the two most common triggers of severe dog depression are the loss of a companion animal or the loss of an owner. . Its been six months and I dont feel like at any more peace and someways irs worse than before. it was no joke. Our self esteem is 0!! Acting normal at home. So because he wanted to embark on a full sexual relationship with his affair partner, he left the very next day and moved to a different city. :). Then I get her an Acadia. Spousal abandonment, when one person leaves without warning, doesnt mean youre doomed to live in a perpetual state of bewilderment and grief. .. Ill need it but Ill make it xo, I disagree with your statement about personality disorders. My husband filed a bogus Restraining Order and threw me out if my home. So even though this is anecdotal evidence at best, if you are suffering for so long over something traumatic that has created a lifetime of grief for you, I would suggest that you speak to a doctor about trying treatment with neurontin for a while, and seeing how you feel. Do you know someone who could benefit from this story? I remained strong on the outside and everyone asked how I kept it together, but that doesnt mean it wasnt extremely difficult and the most traumatic experience in my life. Weve only been married for the last 19 months. Just wondering how you are getting ready to visit your parents And getting ready for Thanksgiving. We started counseling and the counselor, who he choose, told him he was focused on the wrong things and needed to work on re-connecting with me. I had them for that one night and she demanded they be returned and I did just that. Too bad he is having a mid-life melt down. Hi Jon Hes not stopped contact completely he has messaged me and told me his not doing this to be nasty or hurt me he just doesnt feel happy in our relationship at the moment. I just dont understand why she would lie to me after all the love weve shared all this time. And it might be wrong but I cant just cut people out of our lives as he has done. I begged her to stay and to come to couples counselling which she refused, telling me to go to counsell on my own In march my fiancee left after a 4 year relationship after an argument. i had love in college. We sold our home we owned together, yet I paid the mortgage as we were looking for a change. Even if there appears on the surface to be an obvious and uncomfortable reason, your brain will search for answers that feel satisfying and rational. Then we just decided to move. I still work full time. When he left me, my mother was furious . I am going through another divorce with my business partner, she will be leaving my office October . Make a list of the things you didnt like about her and your marriage. He simply needs to find his happiness, he just wants to be happy. And some families have one parent. Any opinions? Never ever ever And that sucks. Although my son is older, he still has two years of high school left. All you have to do is think about the things youre good at and all the times youve helped others. A month ago my partner of 4 years woke up got ready for work, was just about to leave when I asked him about meeting to go book our summer holidays he turned to me and said I dont think we should as I dont live you anymore Im leaving you. It makes it easier to reach this point again. Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but it doesnt work that way. She indicates someone whos been through abuse or bullying, for example, may be hypervigilant of acts that minimally resemble betrayal. This woman they will meet in August is the leader of the activist. Dont you think you deserve better than that???? After it finally sunk in that the man I thought Id married was obviously not and whats more he wasnt even trying to cover up or be nice any more. I still love him and hate myself for it. Hi l married my husband about 12yrs ago we had split for about 8yrs and just 3months he popped back in the picture. My very best wishes to you all. But the ties are weakening and I feel like I am at my wits end. Before she left, we both confessed to each other that we felt more connected, more married if you will to each other then either of us ever did to our spouses. Long story short we got back together. Friday comes and of course, she unplugs the house phone and turns off her cell and refuses to let me see my kids. Hi CassieD! I received deployment orders to head to Africa for a rapid response unit to help combat the Ebola virus and contain it by building ETU facilities. What do I do to save my marriage or how do find the strength to leave? This of course leaves the other partner blindsided and shocked. I have to buy my own insurance because Im losing mine on December 9. Theres no right or wrong way to grieve a relationship, but there are ways you can help yourself and find closure. My wife denies it. Really sucks actually knowing it was never a mistake or anything like that. To make it all worse, I had no idea. And if its not normalized that this happens to lots of people, then they will wind up meeting and marrying someone else, and experience this same issue down the road. It seems to me that what your wife has done is about her, not you. Only God can fix this mess. When someone walks away from u let them walk ur destiny was never tied to anyone that left. I know he broke your heart and betrayed every single romantic connection you ever had together, but that doesnt mean he cant change. My name is Jon,and a few weeks ago when my wife and i were celebrating our birthdays in Chicago,she told me that she was leaving me and moving to California to live with some guy she met on the internet.My wife sufers from Fibromyalgia,depression. Its time to accept that forgiveness and love dont have corners or boundaries. My job prevented me from being at 4 treatments. He also had a cop come stand by when he got his stuff from the house . 3) Be patient with your husband and his remorse. She was a part of his life in the past but my kids and I are his present and future. I guess Im just going to have to accept that hes not coming back. My Husband Left Me! Let Him Go or Fight for Our Marriage? Best wishes. Im just curious.I am 50 and I live in Illinois.. CassieD.Thanks,The problem is that she takes care of the bills,so she would know what i spent it for.And we both agreed to wait until my settlement before we decided the next step on what to do with the finances.I told her that I need her Ins to get my knee replaced and she said that is fine .I am almost at my wits end with all of this confusion and fright and pain. Hi Robert! You can follow her on Instagram here. We had 2 amazing little girls but right after the second one her first Xmas, 10 days before my wife says shes going to get Advil and doesnt come home. Remember : you dont want to be with someone that doesnt want to be faithful and loyal to you. Days are much better here this time around wasnt nearly as hard. Going through the same this year. She seemed to be in conflict with herself yet on my level entirely. We even looked at engagement rings. You are going through a wife abandonment situation when your husband suddenly leaves; without notice, without discussion, he's just gone. Luckily it isnt working and they can see his behaviour for what it is which makes him even more bitter and he subsequently blames everyone else for people not wanting anything to do with him. Abuse should definitely be on the list. By not fighting, however, you may be able to begin your grieving process, and subsequent healing process, sooner. 4. A year goes by with random visits whenever she felt like having a full on break which was always on the weekends when she could go out and party. A couple days after New Years she finally agrees to let me come grab a garbage bag of clothes. Im truly heartbroken. After breakups, we are known to cut our hair, move to another state and make quick decisions based on a temporary emotional feeling, she notes.